Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
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