I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
