dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize