You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Screwed.edu
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize