dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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