one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
50% drunk capacity currently
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
