K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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