So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
