I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize