you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
