I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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