I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I am spending my child support on dildos
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
