I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
