just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
