I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
