Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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