I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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