god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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