I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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