we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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