sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
