what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize