When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
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