all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
