I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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