I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
