did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
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