i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
