Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
