Say something about gay babies.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
