I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
