How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
