I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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