You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
