Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You smell like stripper and shame
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
