You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
