My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I can feel your judgement through the phone
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
