I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
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