dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
