You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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