Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
