I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
