After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
