I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
