Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
