you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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