i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I can text with my tongue
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
