Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
