DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
