wat bout pragnant strippers??
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
