After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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