i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
They have beer where we have blood.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
