You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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