She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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