There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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