I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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