I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My cat gives me a boner
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
