i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
