We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
