can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
