I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
