After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
