Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
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