i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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