he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
