i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
