i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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